an apartment in the city of death

leticia read us a poem that shiva rea read to her in a class. i can't recall most of it -- only a few nonsensical phrases that i don't think that she said, ones that i think that i have twisted -- it was about embracing life right now. she urged us not to live in an apartment in the city of death. that sent my mind reeling.

i am confused by how i feel here now. i feel nostalgic and grateful all at the same time. i just cannot believe the change in the city. i noticed more changes today in the blocks right close to flow. new retail. rehabbed and converted industrial space. it's gross. i firmly believe in the mercurial quality of cities (gets me in trouble as a preservationist) but i cannot stand what is happening in d.c. it can't really be sustainable? how many rich rich people are there? it's really confusing and gross to see how expensive the real estate is. for tiny places. with party walls. i like density, but jeez...it's nutty. every time i wish that i had a job that brought me to live in a city i quickly slap that thought down with the realization that it would be nearly impossible for a single trust-fund-less assistant professor to live in a city where my pals live. i realize that when i am with karen in chicago and here too in d.c.

this morning i practiced at flow with leticia again. i am more into riding waves 1-3 with shiva rea's acolytes than i ever expected. next thing you know: kq trance dance. i am looking for a way to empty my monkey mind of all the slights and hurts and offenses. (why do i still nurse those old wounds?) it's so surprising when those memories pop up. after yoga, i napped a little and read the papers and thought about this project i am working on. then i put on my nice pretty green linen dress that kim made and got ready to embrace the day.